An act of feminism

Whilst surfing recently, one of my favourite pastimes, I came across a vital piece of information, a Dictionary for Women.  I know we are not all alike and I am truly grateful for that (I honestly don’t know how I would cope having to deal with other Bohemians such as myself), but I saw the relevant importance of this dictionary and felt obligated to share it with my sisters of similar design.  This may (or may not...) be something you would like to share with your significant other to attempt initiating a spark of understanding, thereby encouraging a certain level of serenity in your home.

    Let’s start with the word ‘Argument’ pronounced - ahr•gyoo•munt.  This is a discussion that occurs when you're right, and continues until he realizes it.  ‘Airhead’, pronounced - ayr•hed.  This describes an act you put on when pulled over for speeding.  ‘Blonde jokes’, pronounced - blahnd joks.  Signifying jokes short enough for men to understand.  ‘Cantaloupe’, pronounced - kant•e•lope.  Meaning got to get married in a church.  ‘Clothes dryer’, pronounced - kloze drI•yer.  This is an appliance designed to eat socks.  ‘Diet soda’, pronounced - dI•it so•duh.  A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.  ‘Diamond’, pronounced - dI-mun.  Something you think should be on your finger but he can only see it in a pack of cards.  ‘Eternity’, pronounced - e•ter•ni•tee.  The last two minutes of a rugby game.  

   Being one of my personal favourites, the next word is ‘exercise’ and is pronounced - ex•er•size.  The act of walking up and down in a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.  ‘Grocery list’, pronounced - grow•sree list.  This is something you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.  ‘Hair dresser’, pronounced - hare dres•er.  A magician who creates a hairstyle you can never duplicate.  ‘Hardware store’, pronounced - hard•wer stor.  Similar to a black hole in space - once he goes in, he isn't coming out any time soon.  The next word is a grey area for me, ‘housework’, pronounced - haws•wrk.  This signifying work around the house including moping and washing dishes.  (Nope, I don’t get it).  ‘Childbirth’, pronounced - chIld•brth.   You go through 36 hours of contractions while he holds your hand and says, "Focus... breathe... push..."  (It’s a wonder he is still alive).

   ‘Lipstick’, pronounced - lip•stik.  On your lips, a colour to enhance your beauty of your mouth.  On his collar, a colour only a tramp would wear.  ‘Park’, pronounced – pahrk.  This word has two descriptions: 1) A vague memory of before children, a verb meaning, “to go somewhere and neck” or 2) After children, a noun meaning “a place with a swing set and slide”.  Here is a vitally important word in the woman’s Dictionary, ‘Patience’, pronounced - pay•shuns.  The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children.  Generally accompanies the word, ‘tranquilizers’.  Waterproof mascara, pronounced - wah•tr•pruf mas•ka•ruh.  Mascara that comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but not when you try to remove it (story of my life) and last but not least, ‘Valentine's Day’, pronounced - va•lun•tInz dae.  A day when you dream of a candle light dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

Glitter greetings (and all things shiny)

Bohemian B

In loving memory of understanding

As I stood in the seemingly never ending queue at the bank recently with nothing but my mile-a-minute thoughts occupying me, I received a reply to a text message I’d sent, the reply being, “LOL, k.”  Being the over-thinker that I am often labelled  as, a parent of what once were teenagers and the daughter of an almost new-comer to the technology era, wise(er than one would imagine) mother, I got to thinking about text abbreviations.  I don’t know about you, but I often find myself dumb-founded by the, often impossible to decipher message. I remember when my mother started texting, using text abbreviations (sorry mom, but this is for a good cause), my cellphone account escalated with the back and forth texting as I tried to understand what mom was trying to say. It went something like this - Mom: “Having lag at Uncle Harry and Aunt Sue”.  Me: “Lag?”  Mom: “Lasagna”.  Me: “You can’t abbreviate lasagna, mom”.  Mom: “ok” (that was before she cottoned on the ever popular answer of the hour, “k”).

   I don’t have a problem with text abbreviations, on the contrary, I use them often.  What I do have a problem with is how the use (more like abuse) of the English language is deteriorating  and regressing dramatically as we become technologically wise and literature-lazy. Have you not found yourself typing up a work document and accidentally using a text abbreviation?  Not? ‘K’ must be just me then...

Then there is the slight problem of misinterpretation.  I am sure that most of the time what we think we are communicating by method of text abbreviations, bares a completely different meaning in reality.  For instance the abbreviation ‘Cya’ is supposedly a shortened form of “c ya,” which is a shortened form of “c you,” which is a shortened form of “see you,” which is a shortened form of“see you l8r,” which is a shortened form of “see you later.”  When in actuality, cya is the start of the phrase “c yaks ahead.” And what the person is most probably really saying is that they are looking at a herd of rogue yaks. (Yaks, being large and possessing a mob mentality, quite dangerous, and the person is usually trampled before getting out the rest of what they wanted to say!)   Here’s one we all use, ‘Thx’, you probably realize I’m about to tell you that this doesn't mean thanks. (It doesn't stand for Toddlers Hating Xerox machines, either)  Thx stands for THX, the sound company.  Referring to our cousins (and I use this all the time) ‘Cuz’. Of all the incorrect interpretations, this one is most understandable. There really isn't a shorter version of the word cousin aside from ‘cuz’, but in reality, CUZ is the abbreviation for Alejandro Velasco Astete International Airport, located in Cusco, Peru.Not forgetting the infamous and frequently used text abbreviation,‘LOL,’ which means - Laugh Out Loud - has, in reality, about fifty or more meanings. Here are a few examples: Lots of Love, Little Old Lady, League of Legends (a game, I've been told), Lots of Luck and many more.  Then there is the one lettered text we all know what it means. We have all come across it at one point. It is no more than one letter, but it speaks volumes. Yes, I am talking about the text message which presents you with just one letter: “K”.  I know that when I tell someone “Hey I’ll be there in five”, I can hardly survive unless whomever I am texting replies with a calming, reassuring “K”. (Sarcasm) But let’s stop viewing this message with such a concrete mindset. In my experience, “K” could possibly mean much more than we think.  Here is one scenario -upon receiving a fashionable response of, ‘K’ and using your phenomenal brainpower, you know the message is actually, “Kentucky Fried Chicken will be at my house!”  Said friend just left out the “entucky Fried Chicken etc…” blurb. You then begin sprinting towards the house, and with much urgency you break down his front door. Or “K” could actually meant to say “Kidding about this whole scenario.”  Perhaps this text message, ‘K’ was meant to warn against getting trampled by a herd of kangaroo, who knows... the possibilities are endless.

The next time you consider texting someone one of these abbreviations, or receive one yourself, realize that you are slowly wrecking the English language.  Be strong, refrain from becoming ‘one of them’, say no and turn away from the misuse of abbreviations.  Maybe you’ll consider taking those extra three calories to move your thumb to the additional letter buttons, and maybe not, LOL, either way, it’s K.  Until next time, cya!

Glitter greetings (and all things shiny)

Bohemian B