An act of feminism

Whilst surfing recently, one of my favourite pastimes, I came across a vital piece of information, a Dictionary for Women.  I know we are not all alike and I am truly grateful for that (I honestly don’t know how I would cope having to deal with other Bohemians such as myself), but I saw the relevant importance of this dictionary and felt obligated to share it with my sisters of similar design.  This may (or may not...) be something you would like to share with your significant other to attempt initiating a spark of understanding, thereby encouraging a certain level of serenity in your home.

    Let’s start with the word ‘Argument’ pronounced - ahr•gyoo•munt.  This is a discussion that occurs when you're right, and continues until he realizes it.  ‘Airhead’, pronounced - ayr•hed.  This describes an act you put on when pulled over for speeding.  ‘Blonde jokes’, pronounced - blahnd joks.  Signifying jokes short enough for men to understand.  ‘Cantaloupe’, pronounced - kant•e•lope.  Meaning got to get married in a church.  ‘Clothes dryer’, pronounced - kloze drI•yer.  This is an appliance designed to eat socks.  ‘Diet soda’, pronounced - dI•it so•duh.  A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.  ‘Diamond’, pronounced - dI-mun.  Something you think should be on your finger but he can only see it in a pack of cards.  ‘Eternity’, pronounced - e•ter•ni•tee.  The last two minutes of a rugby game.  

   Being one of my personal favourites, the next word is ‘exercise’ and is pronounced - ex•er•size.  The act of walking up and down in a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.  ‘Grocery list’, pronounced - grow•sree list.  This is something you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.  ‘Hair dresser’, pronounced - hare dres•er.  A magician who creates a hairstyle you can never duplicate.  ‘Hardware store’, pronounced - hard•wer stor.  Similar to a black hole in space - once he goes in, he isn't coming out any time soon.  The next word is a grey area for me, ‘housework’, pronounced - haws•wrk.  This signifying work around the house including moping and washing dishes.  (Nope, I don’t get it).  ‘Childbirth’, pronounced - chIld•brth.   You go through 36 hours of contractions while he holds your hand and says, "Focus... breathe... push..."  (It’s a wonder he is still alive).

   ‘Lipstick’, pronounced - lip•stik.  On your lips, a colour to enhance your beauty of your mouth.  On his collar, a colour only a tramp would wear.  ‘Park’, pronounced – pahrk.  This word has two descriptions: 1) A vague memory of before children, a verb meaning, “to go somewhere and neck” or 2) After children, a noun meaning “a place with a swing set and slide”.  Here is a vitally important word in the woman’s Dictionary, ‘Patience’, pronounced - pay•shuns.  The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children.  Generally accompanies the word, ‘tranquilizers’.  Waterproof mascara, pronounced - wah•tr•pruf mas•ka•ruh.  Mascara that comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but not when you try to remove it (story of my life) and last but not least, ‘Valentine's Day’, pronounced - va•lun•tInz dae.  A day when you dream of a candle light dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

Glitter greetings (and all things shiny)

Bohemian B