Bohemian B’s Beat

With eyes wide shut......

 I’ve often heard so many people, including or perhaps especially myself, saying they want to mean something to the world, to be remembered, to leave a significant mark.  Everybody wants to make a difference.  Everybody wants to leave some sort of legacy........alright, maybe not everybody, but most certainly all of my ‘me’s’......this has been my ‘unicorn’ that I have chased after for many, many years. 

   We all have fears (although I deny this as much as possible as I want/need to come across as a ‘tough-cookie’, fearless beyond reason......why? [shrugs shoulders and shakes head in absolute confusion] honestly, I have no idea.....) But I think, this past weekend I just realised my biggest fear, the fear of being obsolete. Athazagoraphobia- ‘a fear of being forgotten’.  (http://www.symptoms-of-anxiety-depression.com/athazagoraphobia-fear-of-being-forgotten.html and http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/athazagoraphobia)Athazagoraphobia.  Athazagoraphobia is basically the fear of being forgotten, ignored or abandoned. However, when I saw the enormity of this word, I realized that I cannot possibly have a phobia with a name bigger than the problem! Although, generally speaking, people who suffer from this phobia understand that it is not life-threatening, but often cannot control their feelings. Why are people afraid to be forgotten? Apparently, according to the above mentioned sites, the fear of being forgotten is something totally natural (uhem....normal? ok, obviously not a fear applicable to my selves and I then) because everyone wants to feel important and appreciated by their loved ones.  (And here’s the duzzi of awakenings.....) Loved ones, now you see this is exactly it, so often we are trying insanely hard to leave an impression for THE world that we forget OUR world.   I very recently watched a deeply touching movie, “Tasting the stars”, which immediately stopped my ‘phobia inclined thought patterns’ in their tracks.   As I mentioned, I’ve been chasing the ideal of ‘never being forgotten’ by the world, that I never for one moment realised that I won’t ever be forgotten, by MY world, the ones who are closest to me. The friends and family, who love me, and how I insult them, daily, by creating the impression that they are not important enough to me, that I continually have to chase down, run after, over compensate  and, ....well just to ‘be remembered’.   It should be enough, no, rather it should be all that matters, that I will always be loved, accepted and remembered by them, always.   You want to leave an imprint on the world? Start with your world.  We are so busy chasing ‘something’ that we forget the ‘someone’s’ in our life.  Now this does not for one second mean stop doing ‘good’ for ‘THE’ and ‘YOUR’ world though.  Another interesting conversation I came across is that the worst regret we have in life, is not for the wrong things we did, but rather for the thousands of right things we did for the wrong people. The following response made a universe of sense to me, the response was, “I agree and disagree. The fact that I helped someone who did not deserve it only takes something away from them - not me.  As long as I don't keep helping them after I have realised my error.  I give because I have ‘good’ in me and that's all we need to remember.  I can't own others behaviour - only my own”.  This ties in perfectly with my earlier epiphany.  When we realise our acceptance with the ones who choose to be by our side (whether it be by blood or by choice) and continually endeavour to positively infect our world, we will, with self-confidence and self-esteem, overcome fearful insecurities and as we reach out to those who accept us for who we are, we will inevitably be extending a kindness to the world. The best service you can do to yourself and to others is to live with eyes wide open opposed to wide shut.  Noticing the people who will accept, love and remember you always, not only for the good you possess in your heart, but purely for just being you.

   Don’t stop being a good person and doing good deeds and certainly make sure that you keep your good intentions (even if they are mocked or criticised) but don’t lose sight of yourself  for one, nor the ones closest to you, who continually love you.  Don’t lose sight of the rainbow’s beauty as you chase after the pot of gold.

Glitter greetings (and all things shiny)

Bohemian B