Bohemian B’s Beat

Don’t hesitate – Fumigate!(Part 1)

Today’s column is a tribute to all the parents, step-parents, teachers and role models who play an active and positively influential role in our lives and the lives of our children.

I have been very fortunate to have received the upbringing I had and the exemplary example from my parents, grandparents, step-father and mentors to follow.  I was taught (what one would think is) basic principles such as morals, integrity and dignity.  I am a firm believer in humanity.  In helping others where I can, in offering a compliment or a kind word and for giving the benefit of the doubt.  But because I am like that, I’ve always naturally assumed everyone else is, but trust me, I have learnt the hard way that there are so very different characters around.  Over the course of my life and up and till today I have missed some opportunities and messed up others. I have my share of regrets and sad edges around a relationship or two. I’ve disappointed my family, friends and even more often myself. I have complained, whined, and been noisy, and then other times been silent when I should have spoken up. But tonight I will go to sleep with a smile knowing that tomorrow is right around the corner and another chance to get it right will be waiting for me.  It all comes down to a few basic principles in life really, taking responsibility for one.  Take responsibility for your own actions and your own life and stop pointing fingers and practicing your self-righteous judgment on others.  I do hate to surprise you but nobody died and put you in charge of placing judgment.  Integrity, it is my understanding from what I have witnessed throughout my life and (disappointingly) more recently that a large amount of people need to look up the meaning of the word to understand it, many act as if they have never heard/learnt the word at all.  If this is you, do yourself and the rest of the world a favour and buy a dictionary or look up the meaning of the word ‘integrity’ on google, whichever is easier for you and then while you are at it take a look at the word ‘dignity’.  I might not have much, achieved much or acquired much in my life, I don’t have a mansion, a Rolls Royce nor a multi-million dollar company to call my own, but what I DO have is integrity and dignity. 

How do you define yourself?I don't worry about the things I don't have, or the problems I might still have to face.  I think about the goals I have and still will set for myself and the things I will do to reach them, and then, more importantly, what I will do once I have achieved them (and believe me I WILL achieve them).  I find it amusing the way some people don’t even realise what a fool they are making of themselves when they presume a role and try to enforce their own preconceived reality on someone else’s life, situation or circumstance. 

My mom taught me that if you don’t have anything good to say then don’t say anything at all, she also taught me to remain silent in a situation concerning something I know nothing of, thereby combatting looking ignorant and foolish.  Unfortunately though it seems as if a few never got the same message, speaking out of turn about things they know absolutely nothing about (in many cases due to their own lack of taking responsibility for their own situations/life) resulting if looking like an absolute uneducated, morally challenged and undignified fool. However, she also taught me to take responsibility for my own action and to stand up for myself. There are only two ways to handle a difficult situation: 1) The fool’s way of pointing fingers, passing judgment, threats of violence and slander or 2) The wise way of acting in maturity and maintaining a high level of integrity whilst keeping your dignity intact and addressing the problem in a calm and rational manner.  Each option producing very different results which could either intensify the problem or create a solution. Now, try answering the question:How do you define yourself?

Don’t miss next week’s column for part 2 of ‘Don’t hesitate – Fumigate!’

Glitter greetings (and all things shiny)

Bohemian B

Follow me at: http://bohemianb.blogspot.com/  for more Bohemian B ramblings

Socially acceptable

Truth.  Something we all want, something we all strive for and often something we all hide from, maybe not all truth but very often our own truth.  We hide behind the mask of fitting in socially, fitting in to a set standard expected of us, standards which are normally set by others who are nowhere near succeeding at setting standards of their own. 

   This Bohemian B has often been referred to as a mess and all too often I hid behind the silliness  I can easily summon up out of hurt, disappointment or offensive emotions  to ‘laugh it off’, yet (without displaying the emotion, still feel the stab of Pain which accompanies the hurt, disappointment and even offence).  Until one day, probably from sheer exhaustion of trying to keep up the facade of ‘fitting in’, I decided to embrace the ‘mess’ that I am and to forget social acceptance choosing  to rather live my truth, right out in the open, no more hiding my ‘me-ness’ or apologizing for my ‘ much-ness’.  What did I have to lose anyway– the good ‘ol opinion of others?   Others, who don’t seem to know how to ‘do’ life either quite frankly, I choose to live life with a dash of spice and only because this is my own personal flavour,.  But along with  living my truth  comes the merciless task of making ( sometimes) life changing decisions, which have had and occasionally still have the tendency to leave a bitter sweet taste in my mouth, dancing along my taste-buds.   New lessons are learnt almost daily and new discoveries made along the way, all about my-self, is intoxicatingly exhilarating and horrendously scary all at once.  As fascinatingly scary as this new journey is, it is all part of the growing process and the ominous and not so easy exercise of self embracing and honest and real truth of you and as you start to unfold in this process so you start living, not just existing.

Self acceptance, self truth, self love......all vital criteria in self discovery, after all you are not a reflection of people who can’t love, accept or even tolerate you, you must be a reflection of your own truth radiating  self assurance to everyone around you.   As so you (slowly at first maybe) start to realize your worth and proceed to remove yourself from situations that do not serve you nor add value to your life.  Shakespeare said, “To thine self be true”.  Often we think that we need to persevere and remain in a certain place as not to be named ‘quitter’.  Believing that 1) we are no better than what we are receiving or 2) have a superior ego believing that our pure presence will turn things around in our own favour and sometimes this could be your very truth, however, not to your own detriment.   I realized that staying in an unsavoury situation or with someone even who doesn't appreciate you isn't loyalty, but rather stupidity.  No, this is not an act of selfish defiance, but rather an act of bravery and self empowerment.   Reclaiming your own ‘you-ness’ is not a selfish act but rather heroic.  Be the hero of your own life story.  We all know the basic principle of accepting others for whom (or even what, in some cases are!) that we should adhere to, yet the same does not apply to ourselves, mmmm ....maybe we should actually start practicing what we preach?  I know that I am not beautiful like you, I am beautiful like me.  I cannot be you, nor do I want to, as I’m (only now really) starting to enjoy being me. A good example would be that personally I like affection, but I have found that nowadays most people don’t like holding hands in public, especially if you don’t know them...... yes I know that was a lame joke, but I happen to think its hilarious considering the fact that that I have an active imagination, a cheeky and often mischievous side and think in pictures.  You may not share the same sentiment and that’s alright, because if I have to be completely honest , for the first time in my life, I really don’t mind what you think, I am not here to win a popularity contest, well not with you anyway but certainly with myself and yes, I win.  I may not be many things and am certainly not everyone’s ‘cup-of-tea’, I fall. I rise. I make (many) mistakes. I LIVE, not merely exist.  I’ve been hurt, but I’m alive.  I’m human.  I’m not perfect, but I am thankful.

Embracing your messy ‘you-ness’ and living your truth may not win you any popularity contests or ambassador awards, but it is indeed  liberating to realize the freedom to be, unashamedly you.  

   So go on then, embrace the glorious mess that you are and proudly be you, the real you.  Live your own truth and be personally acceptable opposed to being moulded into a clone by society to carry the mundane label, ‘socially acceptable’. 

Glitter greetings (and all things shiny)

Bohemian B

Follow me at: http://bohemianb.blogspot.com/  for more Bohemian B ramblings 

Bohemian B’s Beat

Sparkles and Rascals

Well this week has been a considerably difficult week in terms of this column, purely for the reason that my mind is overflowing with topics I want to share with you.  What is top of the ‘ever ready to over flow’ list of topic possibilities is the magical subject of dreams.  I read somewhere, many moons ago, that dreams have a shelf life and if ‘it’ is only a dream without taking action to bring ‘it’ to life, it will go stale and will eventually be removed from the shelf all together, facing the looming threat of discontinuation.

   Can you remember that magical moment the first time you dreamt the dream?  That moment before worry, self-doubt and fear took over?  We have all lived in that moment at some point in our life, briefly even for some.   Writer Carrie Wilkerson once wrote, “Your only limitation is how much action you are willing to take”.Ultimately, the life or death of your dream lies in your own hands.There is a very popular saying, “If you can dream it, you can achieve it”.  Well the problem that I am constantly faced with concerning this, often proclaimed quote, is that my dreams are not only big but often humongous to the point of irrational impossibility.  Besides that ‘little’ hiccup of an obstacle, there is the issue of my stubborn determination. 

Now determination is generally not a bad character trait, however, combine that with a pinch (okay...maybe a bucket full) of stubbornness and you have one of two outcome probabilities: 1) A dynamic and award winning ingredient for massive success or 2) A dynamic and award winning ingredient for a massive downfall, obviously all depending on the key factor, which is ultimately your motive and reasoning behind your ‘full throttle, all or nothing’ drive force. 

I have had the pleasure of experiencing both of these dramatic outcomes as well as the sad discontinuation of what could have been the ultimate, dream-come-true.  Had I perhaps taken the necessary action at the time and maybe checked my motivation and essentially, believed in myself a little more, opposed to aligning myself with worry and fear, perhaps my magical moment of the dream-come-true could have been achieved.  Me being the Bohemian me that I am (The movie character from ‘Me, Myself and Irene’  has nothing on my ever colourful,  real life drama - Me, Myself and I and Me and Me!).

    All too often we sell ourselves short when we look in the mirror, believing the negative illusions we condition ourselves with.  Yes the truth is that often the action required to cultivate your dream is immensely challenging and to put it plain and simple, very hard work.  However, once I read the following quote, my mind-set underwent a change in direction so to speak. Joel Osteen, from Osteen ministries stated that, “When you have big dreams, you are going to face big challenges.  If you were an average person, you would have average challenges”.  Well....let me proclaim something right now, literally on black and white, there is nothing average about me and I’m almost sure that there is nothing average about you either. I adopted a ‘Paula van der Lecque’ (from SA’s renowned house-hold name soapy, 7de Laan) attitude. I will not settle for “middelklas en voorspelbaar” (middle-class and predictable) especially concerning the magic moment of dreaming and the satisfactory and proud eternity of bringing the dream to life. Yes the challenges are probably terrifyingly huge, but as Joel said; “Big dreams face big challenges”, and an honest truth which I have discovered is that a mere 20 seconds of bravery can alter the entire course of your life. 

   Magic is mystical and dreams are magical and taking action and perusing your big dreams will ultimately produce a miracle.  You (yes....I am talking to you) are the sparkle between a dream and a miracle. So how about we stop believing the nightmares and start believing in our own magic.  Start expecting great things for and from ourselves.  Maybe this week you can allow yourself to dream big and be the sparkle not the dream discontinuing rascal! 

Glitter greetings (and all things shiny)

Bohemian B

Follow me at: http://bohemianb.blogspot.com/for more Bohemian B ramblings

Bohemian B’s Beat

Impossible possibilities

As a lover of literature I have always been able to find my escape if you will, in the written word. As a child I would use the medium of books to ‘get lost’ in. It was there were I would always be the heroine, the fairy princess, the ruler of candyfloss planet with my castle made of candy, a flying unicorn with sparkly silver wings that would fly me to another world called fantasia to visit the jelly tot queen. This was the place in time where my imagination boomed (more like exploded) and my dreams started to form. I would read anything and everything from cereal boxes to poetry; words intrigued me, fascinated me and eventually became my mode of self expression. Some words are beautiful and roll over my tongue smoothly and if I had to put a taste to them I’d call them vanilla words. Others are quite ‘sticky’ and take some serious twisting of my tongue to pronounce, these particularly ‘obnoxious’ words would probably taste like peanut-butter (not as smooth to swallow as vanilla ice-cream, yet equally delicious. I don’t know if you've noticed exactly how complicated the English language can be, but I sure did. Although I never really saw it as complicated but rather as a series of possibilities for different outcomes, an automatic auto correct if you will. I can just imagine your expression as you try fathom how I managed to reach this conclusion. Let me explain by using the word ‘oxymoron’ as it is specifically this would which my conclusion is derived from. According to wikkipedia ‘An oxymoron (plural oxymora or oxymorons) is a figure of speech that juxtaposes elements that appear to be contradictory. Oxymora appear in a variety of contexts, including inadvertent errors (such as "ground pilot") and literary oxymorons crafted to reveal a paradox. The most common form of oxymoron involves an adjective–noun combination of two words.’ For example, the following line from Tennyson's Idylls of the King contains two oxymora: ‘And faith unfaithful kept him falsely true’. (..... my sentiments exactly. or as I’d say when utterly confused, ‘Ja,nee’ ) Many oxymorons have been popularized in vernacular speech. Examples include "controlled chaos", "open secret", "organized mess", "alone in a crowd", and "accidentally on purpose” Writers often use an oxymoron to call attention to an apparent contradiction. An oxymoron allows for a perfectly explained manner of self expression, sometime a situation can if fact be bitter sweet eg; I’m sad to leave but excited to embark on a new journey. However, the sugar candy I am eating is sweet, not bitter. Often some people, myself included, use the ‘oxymoron way’ to deliver a venomous statement by lacing their derogatory or hurt intended words with honey. ‘It’s nothing personal but the cake you baked is sickly sweet, I wouldn't do it that way’. If it’s nothing personal, why do you feel the need to,1) say it’s not personal and 2) comment at all? You may not like that specific cake, but there are others who enjoy it tremendously. ‘There is nothing wrong with you as a person....’ Really? as a person?, opposed to what exactly, an umpaluma from the chocolate factory perhaps? And then the all time winner of ‘excusable inexcusable insults, ‘I don’t mean to be rude but......’. Well if you don’t mean to be rude then don’t and if you do mean to be rude then don’t use the defenseless oxymoron as a scapegoat.

Here is a bit of crazy wisdom that will help avoid sweet sorrow. Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you can’t master that art however( I know, sometime our mouths have a mind of its own and spits the words out before we even realize it’s doing that) rather implement a deafening silence, or a forward retreat opposed to being faced with a quiet riot.



Glitter greetings (and all things shiny)

Bohemian B